The Secret Life of Teenagers

As a mother of three teenagers, I have the opportunity to observe these fascinating creatures up close on a regular basis. They truly are amazing. Of course, everyone has heard of the incredible eating ability of the male of the species, and the messy environment most seem to prefer, but there is more, much more, to teenagers. Let us take a look.

The female teenager enjoys a game called "Driving Mother Crazy". It can be played many ways, but one of my daughter's favorite ways is with clothes. She will announce that she has no clothes and therefore needs to go shopping. Usually I will do a search of her overstuffed closet and bring into question the need for shopping, but of course the answer is always, "None of those fit."

Despite the fact that I don't remember any dramatic growth spurts lately, I decide to go with it on the premise that we can have some quality time together. I am so stupid.

Off we go to the mall, where we encounter "hormone blobs", or groups of teenagers doing nothing. Sometimes several of them will be walking together, all talking to other people on their cell phones. I don't understand this. Anyway, we go to the mall and begin shopping. Notice I say "shopping" and not "buying". It usually takes a full day of shopping to come home with even one item that passes muster. This is because my daughter is not shopping because she needs clothes, but because she has fun driving me crazy.

Another celebrated teen activity is talking on the phone. I'll let you in on a secret here. They aren't saying anything. Nothing. I have stood outside my daughter's door and heard nothing for five minutes. Maybe the occasional giggle, but that's it. They stay on the phone because it is expected of them, and it drives their parents nuts. That's it.

Work is another interesting aspect of teenagers. When it is work at home that they are not being paid for, they must be encouraged gently with a cattle prod. When it is work for which they are being paid, they are out the door like a shot. It doesn't matter if the work is degrading and boring; it is the money that makes the difference. I have found though, that they still don't like it. They will find something to complain about because they don't have real problems yet.

It is that thought alone that allows me to go on. Someday they will have real problems, and then I'll be the smart one. hehehe