Oh Crap!

I can't believe I am going to write about this, but I am looking at it as a public service message. Perhaps someone else has gone through the same thing and will feel better knowing they have a comrade in arms, or in pants. Whatever. So here's the story.

The other night my husband and I went out to eat with some friends because we had just seen our oldest off to boot camp and I was depressed. My stomach had been in knots all day, due to the stress of losing my baby. Okay, so he's 18! He's still a baby to me. Anyway, after the meal we had to stop off at the grocery store to get some of the staples of life, (bread, milk, coffee).

While we were in the store I felt the unmistakable signs of impending diarrhea. I clamped my cheeks together to buy me enough time to get to the potty and feigned interest in the ice cream. As soon as I felt it was safe I shoved the items in my husband's arm's and raced off for the bathroom. Sadly, I didn't race fast enough. Yes, I crapped my pants.

I got to the bathroom and assessed the damage. It was bad. I was wearing brown pants, which was good, but there was a large wet spot all up the back. I tried to focus on the postive and was grateful I hadn't changed into a skirt. Then it would have splashed on the floor, which would have been really gross.

I cleaned up as best I could and looked in the mirror. It looked like I had peed my pants. Very obvious. What I needed to do was get the whole thing wet so you couldn't see the bad spot, but how? I couldn't very well stand at the sink in my crappy underwear rinsing out my pants, so I did the next best thing. I went into a stall and shoved my pants into the toilet, twisting them to get most of the water out. Gross, I know. Thankfully they were a thin polyester so they didn't really look wet, just darker.

I went back to my husband who shouted half way across the store, "What took you so long??" I couldn't very well tell him the truth so I just said quietly, "I had diarrhea." Ah, the murmurings of love! We paid and went out to the car, me sitting as close to the door as I could get. Thankfully it was a nice night so we drove with the windows down, otherwise the slight odor clinging to me would have given me away.

As soon as we got home I beelined to the bathroom, locking the door and lunging into the shower where I rinsed my clothes out and washed myself off twice. So there is my embarrassing story. I sincerely hope I am not the only person that has ever happened to.